HOW THE PURSUIT FOR A FAMILY DEEPENED OUR LOVE

On the way to the clinic for our third, and decidedly final, egg retrieval, we sat silent in the car wondering what the future held for us.

After so many failed transfers, the doctor had only given us a 10% chance of success. She hadn’t recommended doing another cycle, but we wanted to give it one last shot.

We were halfway there, stopped at a red light, when the song played on the radio-

“We don’t know the roads that we’re heading down

We don’t know if we’re lost, that we’ll find our way.

We don’t know if we leave, will we make it home.”

He reached over and grabbed my hand.

We didn’t look at each other, we didn’t need to.

We were like two superheroes joining forces.

We were partners in this life, fortified co-captains, the only two people in our pod, and anything was possible.

The song was right, we didn’t know. We didn’t know anything. But it didn’t matter, because we had each other. And that was bigger than anything.

We were on the adventure of a lifetime, traveling around, moving to new countries and cities following our artistic passions, supporting each other’s dreams as though they were our own. All the while on our pursuit for a family. We were living life on our own terms, in our own worlds. Just like we had ever since the day we met.

On our first date we were so lost in one another we hadn’t realized the restaurant had closed up around us and we were sitting amongst a sea of tables with chairs piled on top of them. I knew he was going to be my husband even before our first kiss.

After being together for 10 years, I had no idea a deeper love was even possible…

But there is something incredibly intimate about pushing a long painful needle into your loved ones body. It was always a private moment for us. One that we never looked forward to but after each injection, our embrace would get bigger, longer, warmer.

Going through the process of doctors and diagnoses, specialists and invasive treatments was a daily struggle. And part of our reality for years.

But it made us stronger. More connected. More in tune with each other. More respectful and loving and…in love.

Going through fertility treatments can be terrifying and heartbreaking and confusing, but it can also be inspiring and enlightening.

The night before our last embryo transfer, I looked at the clock and it was 4a.m. We had both been lying in bed awake for most of the night.

He whispered to me, “Are you okay?”

“Yup.”

He reached for me under the covers and rolled in close. “Good. Then we’re okay.”

“We don’t know the roads that we’re heading down

We don’t know if we’re lost, that we’ll find our way.

We don’t know if we leave, will we make it home.”

But we do know, that we’ll have each other, and we’ll be okay.

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