One of the things infertile couples are encouraged to do is re-imagine what the word ‘family’ really means. Can a family be two adults who love each other and respectfully and passionately choose to spend their life together? Can a married couple with no children still be considered a ‘family’?
It might be something for you to think about the next time you discount a couples schedule or life plans, because they don’t have children to consider. Families without children tend to always be the ones to have to make sacrifices amongst their family and friends- ‘well you don’t have kids, so just come to our place’.
It’s also common for parents to focus on their children with children, going to their house or taking them out places, not considering that their other children (that don’t have little ones) are just as important to spend quality time with.
My husband and I are in a place where we have to make some hard decisions.
We’re faced with the question, are the two of us all the family that we need?
The last time my husband and I miscarried, it was the hardest yet. You see, with every loss, it’s the dream that gets further and further away. My mother-in-law was with us, and she has always been very compassionate throughout this whole ordeal. She carefully balances this invisible line between supporting us, and giving us room to breathe. But this time, she could see the toll it was taking. One day she came to my husband, she looked at him hard in the eyes,
“You have each other, you have a love and relationship that most people don’t ever get. That alone is more than most could hope for.”
It was a powerful message. And one we hadn’t ever given much thought to.
I don’t think we had the capacity to fully take it in then and there, but that message lingered with us for months. The idea that WE are enough, not that:
Everything happens for a reason
Or This is God’s plan
Or Maybe you weren’t meant to have a family
But that we are enough, just as we are.
That we are our own family.
So this month, I encourage you to reach out to your loved one. Acknowledge that the couple you are trying to support is already a family.
Maybe even offer some tangible support, spring can be a difficult time with all the blossoming bellies walking around the neighbourhood, perhaps bring your loved one a bouquet of lilies, or a card to let them know that you’re in their corner.
Here is a great list of 26 Cards To Give Someone Struggling With Infertility-