Hi, my name is Riva.
The name ‘Ruby Garnay’ came to me in a dream one night. It reminds of a free-spirited European aristocrat, rebelliously bounding across a piazza and I just want to yell out to her, “GO Ruby Garnay, you got this!” She’s my inspiration. Maybe if I take some time to look back I’ll understand how to move forward.
I always look for people’s life themes- I think my husbands is luck, my brothers is bringing people together. I’m not sure what mine is. My brother thinks it’s being free.
For the past few weeks, ever since I decided to get all my journals out of storage and bring them back to LA with me I’ve been paralyzed. Every time I start to look at them, or read them, or think about them, I immediately walk over to the couch and curl up into a ball for a long nap. There are around 30 books. I say ‘around’ because some of them I burned years ago. (When I was 16 I fell in love for the first time and it didn’t turn out well. I wanted to erase that part of my life so one day I destroyed all my journals from that time.) So now, I have around 30.
I had no idea back then that I would end up in such a normal life. As a child, I never dreamt of getting married or having a family. Everything seemed so complicated. Sometimes I fantasized about ending up in a mental hospital. I imagined my family and friends visiting me there. It felt normal. Or, sometimes I would daydream about finding my way to an artist’s commune. I thought, either one would do. I didn’t think I had much choice in my future. I never imagined having a wedding or buying a house or birthing a child.
I don’t know how I got here; most of my life is a blur. I often blame it on all the drugs I took.
I don’t really know what this life journey is all about. I feel like it’s that ancestry show, discover your roots. Like we need to discover our own roots so we can continue to move forward. Maybe if we take some time to look back we all might be able to be free again.
Go Ruby Garnay 
I love the photo and your meandering thoughts. I too once burned a box of journals during a period of transition. Some words and story never leave us, thankfully. Happy writing or re-writing. 😉
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Thank you Ruth-Anne :). And thanks for sharing. It’s liberating to destroy stuff sometimes! One thing I’ve realized from my travels is we are all more alike than we are different. Happy writing to you too!
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This is a wonderful start!!! Love the flow of your writing and I can’t wait for more of the story!
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Just figured out where this comment was and how to reply to it! Haha! I’m still learning and navigating this place. Thanks for reading! I hope to keep this flow going 🙂
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Wow. I love everything about your site, it is inspiring me to ask questions about myself i have ignored for a while. Thanks for sharing, i look forward to walking with you on this beautiful journey, you have a beautiful name by the way Riva. Cheerios.
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Awe, thanks Mary :). I’m just starting to slowly ask the real questions. It’s not always easy but feels important to do so, to be able to grow. Thanks for checking things out around here. I’m enjoying your blog as well!
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True. You welcome. Xo
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This is my favorite preface so far, it makes me want to read more and more about/from you.
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Love this. I’ve burned my writing, too. Though it was something I was wishing for that never happened. Finding your ‘theme’ or whatever a person calls it, is truely magical. Thanks for the thoughts.
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Thanks for sharing.
Burning ones writing can be quite cathartic. It’s such a release.
I look forward to finding the magic in my life theme! 🙂
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